Owning It
I’ve been neglecting the blog again. I’m sorry for it, but I’m not going to make excuses. Something happened in November that made me decide it’s time for excuses to go bye-bye. Time to start taking responsibility for the things I do. I need to start owning my life.
The revelation came early in November about five chapters into my NaNo novel. My story sucked. And before you start with the “Oh, Julie, it can’t be that bad” nonsense, trust me on this one. It is really just that bad. I kept pushing though because I’m stubborn and I refused to not win NaNo. So, I wrote 50,000+ words that I pretty much universally hated.
I spent too much time trying to build my characters during which nothing really happened (felt like I was writing that one book that I didn’t really like). Could I cut it during edits? Sure, but there were other inherent problems. A key one? I suck at world-building when it’s a completely different world than ours. I had a history of the system written. I knew each of the planets and what made them special. But the only times it came out in the story, I was telling the reader, and trying to show it wasn’t working for me. I wrote what might be a really hot sex scene, then I realized once the main character hooked up with the guy she was supposed to be with, their sex would pale in comparison (as a reader, even if I was rooting for the guy, that would kill me). On more levels than I care to count, the story failed. Without many second thoughts, I shelved it.
Why on earth would I blog about it then? Because I decided to own the failure. As writers (and human beings), we have to allow ourselves to fail. (If you are a non-human, I’ve got nothing for you. Sorry.) Had I shelved it and forgotten about it (like some people suggested), I wouldn’t have learned anything from the time I spent. Then, what purpose would it serve?
Without further ado, my NaNo mess taught me:
- I should not pants. This year was a test to see if my first pantsed mess was just a case of not-enough-experience syndrome. It wasn’t. I need at least a rough outline.
- Character development is a wonderful thing, but if my characters don’t have major things happening to them, it’s also really boring (and for me, it doesn’t matter how cool the characters are).
- If I’m going to tackle completely new worlds, I need to figure out in advance how I’m going to fit in world-building. I also need to be realistic about how much I want to do that. If my heart’s not in it, I need to pick a different story.
- For the love of all that is hot and sexy, make sure the main character is falling for the guy who’s going to be incredible in bed. Having wild sex with the other guy kills the romantic arc.
- Most importantly, I need to love all my characters on some level. Liking them and finding them interesting isn’t enough. If I don’t love and care about them deeply, no one else will either. If I don’t love them, I need to pick a different story.
There are probably a number of other things I learned, but those would be my top five. And really, I’m okay with that. I’d rather own all those issues and make sure they don’t happen again than sweep them away and forget about them until I make the same mistakes again.
After all, failure once is a learning experience. Failing by doing the same things over and over again means you’re both crazy and stupid. I suppose that’s okay, as long as you’re willing to own it.
Posted: December 15th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments
Comment from julie
Time December 15, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Thanks. I’ve read so many versions of how to outline that my head spins if I think about it too far. My advice is to experiment a lot. I don’t like really thorough, strict outlines because by the time I write, I’m bored (and they feel confining). My EASIEST novel was done by writing the synopsis in advance. Sure, the synopsis had to be changed at the end, but it gave me a rough idea of story and character arcs.
Comment from Brent
Time December 15, 2009 at 6:56 pm
For both the NaNos I’ve done, I guess I “pantsed.” Both times I had an idea of what I wanted to do with the first few scenes, and I just wrote from there. I found that making it up as I write works well for me, but continuity suffers. At some point, I think you *do* have to produce an outline, and then go back and rip out some stitches and re-do the bits that didn’t work. (I do have outlines for both books now, which are both still active WIPs…) As you noted, I think this is an important aspect of NaNo: learning how you work most effectively.
Second comment: I have a fear of loving my characters *too* much. I might get so involved in them that I “project” my own needs and wants through them to excess (re: your comment on my own blog!). I think some of that’s necessary for a good story (otherwise it wouldn’t need *me* to write it), I just worry about going too far and entering the realm of caricature.
Comment from julie
Time December 15, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Hey, I finally found my reply option! Woohoo!
Anyway, there is a fine line between love and LOVE 
I need to love mine like my children (or nieces/nephews) or like dear friends. I’ve found that if I only like them, I’m not invested enough. But that could just be me.
Comment from julie
Time December 15, 2009 at 7:11 pm
And strangely enough, my reply option looks just like a normal post. *kicks wordpress*
Comment from Allison
Time December 15, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Heh. I definitely fall into the panster side of things, but I agree that having a vague idea of where you’re going is helpful. I struggled at points with NaNo too, mostly because it’s a bit more writing than I was used to doing in a single day. (After work and kids, I’ve discovered that 1000 words is pretty much my limit). I ended up doing a synopsis after the fact and now I feel like it’s more solid, though I definitely have spots where it was just all over the place.
Comment from Nick Enlowe
Time December 16, 2009 at 12:18 am
Everytime I’ve tried being a pantser, the results weren’t pretty.
The greeks had the different varieties of love figured out: eros, agape, philia, and storg?..
But in english we’re just stuck with ‘love’.
Comment from Susan
Time December 16, 2009 at 8:54 am
Hey
Excellent post Julie, I feel I need to get to your stage. I need to get focussed and need more me time to write, without the children or hubby distracting me.
I am hoping for a more productive new year. At least I am not pregnant this Christmas :p
Susan x
Comment from julie
Time December 16, 2009 at 9:22 am
Allison: I love pantsers and often wish I was one, but this just confirmed for me that I’m not. 1000 is a good day for me, and when I’m on my game, I can do it everyday. This year the only way I got my NaNo words most days was doing word sprints with a friend (increased my “normal” max efficiency by about 50%)
Nick: You just made me want to learn Greek LOL.
Susan: Honestly, I usually stay up after they go to bed (or the hubby is playing on his computer). Writing with the kids around makes my head hurt (and lowers my efficiency by an average of about 70%) LOL Damn kids 
Comment from DianeG
Time December 18, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Good for you! Finding out what works, and what doesn’t work, for you will be very helpful in the future.
I have one plea – it’s very hard to read your blog because there isn’t enough contrast between the text and the background. Is there any possibility you might change that.
Merry Christmas!
Comment from julie
Time December 18, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Does it not show up as black on white for you? The comments are black on light blue, but the main blog should be black on white…
Comment from Gareth
Time December 18, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Hey Jules,
Congrats on owning the fail. It takes someone with a lot of guts to admit this and to be honest I have to admit the same thing, I failed Nano this year for the first time, partly because what I had felt forced, partly because what I was writing would perhaps have been better as a short story to see how the characters played.
I didn’t put enough work in prior to starting so as such it went to hell in a handbasket with a please keep me at least 200 yards away from milk sign.
I like the characters, I love the world to which they’re going to play. But I didn’t have enough stuff planned event wise to make it last. Currently I’m reading through and making notes where I went wrong, what it needs to improve it along with working out what I can do to make sure that my next project actually works.
Its a steep learning curve but its sometimes the best one a writer can have. It makes you hungry for success, it gives you encouragement as you see what you did well. But perhaps best of all you can learn where you’re weak and how to make sure that theres enough elements to keep the ebb and flow of the piece from sinking.
Best of luck on your next project J and I hope that this one will teach you as much as my fail has taught me.
Comment from Firewolf
Time December 18, 2009 at 7:25 pm
You learned something! That’s awesome all by itself. And at least you can recognize when it really is that bad. ^^
Comment from Angie
Time December 18, 2009 at 8:17 pm
What a powerful learning experience! I didn’t participate in Nano this year but I feel your pain. You’re right of course, you have to be able to embrace your failures in order to learn from them. It’s hard, especially where writing is concerned because we’re all so self-conscious as it is…but necessary if we want to grow as writers.
Comment from julie
Time December 18, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Thanks for the support, everyone, and I’m glad to know I’m not alone 
Comment from Donna
Time December 19, 2009 at 2:22 am
Damn. I wrote a brilliant comment and the Internet ate it!! This one can’t possibly replicate!!
Great post-NaNo post, Julie! I’ve learned over the NaNo years that outlining is key! I’ve become a true believer in the outline. And as for worldbuilding…oh my. There’s a fine line that must be walked between info dump and whatever the opposite is…info suckage?
But most importantly…YES! You must love your characters, even the bad guys. In a completely different way, of course!
Again, excellent post, Julie!
DBR
Comment from strugglingwriter
Time December 15, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Great post and very similar to my experience this year.
“I should not pants. This year was a test to see if my first pantsed mess was just a case of not-enough-experience syndrome. It wasn’t. I need at least a rough outline.” – I realized this finally this year too. Now, I just need to force myself to create an outline.